My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
