I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
