Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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