lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
