she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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