We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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