His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
