These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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