I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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