Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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