Got a toothbrush?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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