..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
