im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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