Having a random hookup so left but love u
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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