YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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