So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
