I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
