we're blogging at a bar
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
