remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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