We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
