Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
