thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
