Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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