maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
