There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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