i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
