just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
