I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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