And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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