Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
