I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
