I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
