First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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