all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
