Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
