were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
