and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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