How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
