the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
