It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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