Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
