she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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