please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
