I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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