yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
