yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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