i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
