Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I deserve this hangover.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
