Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
