I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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