I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
