u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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