all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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