it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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