and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
