i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The air was thick with penises
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize