Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
