You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
