bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize