I'm drive I can fine osifer
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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