How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
