I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
