im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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