WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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