It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
