u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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