Is it normal to miss your booty call?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
