i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
