brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
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don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.