I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
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well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.