I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno