I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend