I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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