ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just want nice things and good sex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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