I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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