Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
