Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
