I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think my mom watched the whole time
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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