Three words: puerto rican gang bang
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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